I missed blogging yesterday as I was too tired to do anything. The CRT remained down until this afternoon, so I had to spend several hours waiting yesterday. I was just happy not to lose any more time in doing therapy. This am I had to be up earlier then usual to have the ultra sound, so my neighbor took me to breakfast and I decided to have a cup of coffee. It's been about 3 weeks since I had a cup. It tasted like nectar. I also hoped for a small boost so I could run some errands and it did help. The other issue is that area around the catheter in my breast is tender and sensitive also. But that seems to be the end of the side effects for the moment.
I did a manicure/pedicure today. It does help you feel better and the pampering was relaxing. I've noticed that there seems to be two types of women in the waiting room at the radiation center. Those who seem to be trying to look their best and those well, not to be mean, but that look like they haven't seen the good side of a bathtub in quite a while. The one who look their best also seem to have the more positive attitudes about their process. They are open about what they are doing and have a realism, but still picture that there is hope. The others seem more depressed, have more sadness and even drama. I don't think any woman or man should have to look like they are going to a black tie event during this time, but I think giving attention to personal grooming really does help improve your outlook. Again it can be tough if you are having limitations and don't have a caregiver to help you and it's probable that that was the issue for some, but others just don't seem to want to do anything.
It's a quiet time right now. They told me to give myself extra time to sleep and to be a little careful about infectious disease as all the stressors I've put on myself through the surgery, treatments etc can affect the immune system. When I can I reflect and try to figure out where I'm going...
It's a bit like being a caterpillar who has spun a cocoon around oneself. You can feel changes occuring, you just don't know if you will emerge or what you might emerge as....
Right now I'd rather be cancer free then have cancer. To be just having come back from Vermont then to have missed it. But it isn't to be. I cannot choose what will come with time. So my gratitude is for the time I have right now. Each day has it's own rhythm and I'm learning to appreciate that.
Simon and Garfunkel was the music du jour today in the treatment room.
Simon and Garfunkel, "El Condor Pasa":
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